He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
