just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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