she was so not down for the gang bang
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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