I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
