and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
