He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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