loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You took a bar mat shot.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
