my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it glows. i had to have it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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