In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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