Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
