Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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