I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
