So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
