there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
