didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
