just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
