I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
