Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
