I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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