Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
