I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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