I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
