make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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