dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
