even my farts smell like vagina
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
