Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
