Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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