as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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