You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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