allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
