No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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