Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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