i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
