"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
