I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
