You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
