your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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