Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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