Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize