I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
