Jerry, you need to find god
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
