The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
