yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
