On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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