There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
