Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
