I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
