Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
