He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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