Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
