She is in my trunk
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
