My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I AM VODKA MAN
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
