Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
