Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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