I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
