Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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