I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
