idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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