How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
