Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
