Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
