I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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