I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
