I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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